To those of you unfamiliar with UK Television, Jeremy Clarkson is that idiot in the photograph on the left. Now I am well aware that the person that you see on a screen is not what someone is like in real life so Mr Clarkson is probably a well balanced nice type of bloke in real life. However this post is about the on screen willie brain that every body loves to hate.
Clarkson is a TV and newspaper journalist specializing in all things with four wheels and an engine. Along with his two side kicks, James May
and Richard Hammond, he has taken one of the UK’s most respected and serious automobile programs, Top Gear and turned it into a program where three middle aged blokes pratt around in either overpriced super cars or clapped out old bangers (I love it, won’t miss an episode).
Clarkson is famous for insulting the entire human race. If you come from a country odds are that Clarkson has taken the mickey out of it. If you have an interest in anything that does not drink petrol (gas) Clarkson has made a joke of you for it.
To see what he is like lets take a look at some of his quotes.
A turbo: Exhaust gases go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.
Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary… That’s what gets you.
It’s the coldest march for twenty years because of global warming.
We all know that small cars are good for us. But so is cod liver oil. And jogging.
Only last week there were calls from north of the border for a separate Scottish entry for next year’s Eurovision song contest. What? The Proclaimers? Or just a random collection of men in dresses blowing into their tartan bags? Either way, I can’t see them getting too many votes from Estonia.
Now we get quite a few complaints that we don’t feature enough affordable cars on the show, so we’re kicking off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all. (a Ferrari F430)
I love this variety, although of course it can cause problems. I, for instance, would never employ anyone with a Brummie accent. I don’t wish to be rude to the people of Birmingham, but I’m sorry, it makes you sound thick. Likewise, whenever I meet someone with a Somerset burr, I always imagine that in the next five minutes I’m going to be tied to a candlelit table, with a goat, and raped.
There are even Clarkson related products available.
Clarkson finally crossed the line and earned himself a spanking when I saw his bad horticultural practice in the clip below and as the offense is of a horticultural nature may I suggest that THIS LADY does the honors and gives him what for on behalf of every Hortic and Gardener out there.
The blog Spankedhortic and all those associated with it would like to point out that firearms, explosives and anything else that goes bang and may cause large amounts of pain and loss of limbs are not endorsed as a form of weed control. Furthermore it is advisable that on encountering anyone who thinks that this weed control method is the way to proceed, that you maintain a reasonable distance (about 3 kilometers) from them and inform the nearest Psychiatrist.
The replacement clip, Clarkson gets a pie in the face
This clip, for some reason does not start to move for the first 30 seconds but be patient, it is worth the wait.