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Mistress Attrition, 27, Farmer, meets Gary The Gimp, 34, IT Consultant, On A Blind Date

Note – This is a 100% fictitious article. Neither of the two participants exist and any resemblance to real life people is purely coincidental. This post is based on a regular series of articles published in The UK Guardian newspaper. If you want to see the real thing, follow the link below.


Attrition On Gary

What were you hoping for?

To meet a worthless lump of meat, who would do my bidding, without question and be prepared to suffer dire consequences for even the slightest mistake.

First impressions?

Disappointing. His rubber needed polishing and I found that one of his buckles had not been done up.

What did you talk about?

I told him that he was not fit to lick the dirt off my shoes. That he should obey my every word. And repeatedly had to tell him to stop whimpering, whilst he was being punished.

Any awkward moments?

Yes, lots. But he paid the price for them, even when they were my fault.

Good table manners?

Terrible! He splashed his gruel around so badly that it took him nearly ten minutes to lick the floor clean and I had to dunk his head six times, in a barrel of ice-cold water, to clean his face.

Best thing about Gary?

He was good for target practice.

Would you introduce him to your friends?

I already introduced him to Sally, my live in submissive and tractor driver. I made her give him a good hard pegging between eating my entre and main meal. As a little inter course entertainment. Ha Ha.

Describe Gary in three words

Inadequate, subservient, pig.

What do you think he made of you?

Hopefully, he thought that I was a beautiful, merciless Goddess, who it was his privilege to serve.

Did you go on somewhere?

I dragged him down into my dungeon, he’s still there.

And … did you kiss?

What? Befoul my lips on that piece of offal? No!

If you could change one thing about the evening, what would it be?

I would have spent less time changing my outfits and wigs. I got too enthusiastic about showing off my range of costumes.

Marks out of 10?

A solid ten. Gary is a grovelling wretch, who over tries to please and needs frequent and severe punishment. All in all, a perfect Gimp slave.

Would you meet again?

I will decide that at dawn, when I get up to milk the cows.

Gary On Attrition

What were you hoping for?

To meet a radiant and powerful tyrant, who would turn my immediate future into a living hell.

First impressions?

She was an evil minded, overbearing, uncompromising monster, who looked stunning in rubber and leather.

What did you talk about?

Mostly I said, Yes and No, Mistress. By your command. I am worthless. And Ouch! and AARGH! a lot.

Any awkward moments?

Almost every moment was excruciatingly awkward. That is what made it such a wonderful evening.

Good table manners?

Impeccable! And she only stabbed me with her fork when she thought that I deserved it. Which was a lot of times.

Best thing about Attrition?

She has a strong and accurate whipping arm.

Would you introduce her to your friends?

Of course, I love a good slave party.

Describe Attrition in three words

Always obey her.

What do you think she made of you?

Hopefully, an obedient slave who can handle a lot of necessary punishment and humiliation.

Did you go on somewhere?

Yes. She took me to her dungeon and locked me in a cage. I am still in there now.

And … did you kiss?

I was granted the honour of giving her a little peck on the cheek.

If you could change one thing about the evening, what would it be?

I would have made more mistakes. She is amazingly good at handing out severe punishments.

Marks out of 10?

A good, solid 8. She is a very competent and demanding Domme, but she is a little too obsessed with changing her outfits too often.

Would you meet again?

I hope so. If for nothing else, than to let me out of this cage, in time for me to get to work tomorrow.

Mistress Attrition and Gary the Gimp ate in the kitchen of Mistress Attrition’s farm house.


6 responses

  1. A fun, entertaining read, and great pics. Interesting series of articles for the Guardian lol


  2. I love the bit about changing costumes too many times. They both realized that was a bit much. But Gary needs a spanking for only giving Attrition an 8.


    • I suspect that might be his plan, Hermione 🙂 BDSM costumes often look great, but can be a total faf around to get in and out of. There are videos on YouTube, sometimes it can take half an hour to get one article of clothing on.


  3. As you may recall from my old blog, I LOVE parodies like these! Well done!

    Do you mind if I ‘jump on board’ with a few Q&As that popped into my head as I read?

    Q: When you say “too many outfit changes” what do you mean?
    A: Well I paid $500 for a one hour session, but with the costume changes that meant we ended actually playing for only about five minutes in total.
    Q follow-up: So you sort of ended up paying $100 per minute?
    A: Uh, yeah………………………….but they were GOOD minutes.


    Q: Were there any misunderstandings?
    A: Oh, plenty! Between the hood I was wearing and the squeaking of all the leather SHE was wearing, I couldn’t understand a single command she gave me. But then again, since I came to get beaten, those instances gave her plenty of opportunities to punish. Kind of a win/win.


    Q: Describe Gary in three words.
    A: Oh, easy! “Gold—–Card—–Member”!

    • Nice to see that you found some inspiration in the post, KD. I hadn’t thought about the noise facture of leather and latex. You’re right, it should be taken into consideration.


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