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Category Archives: Advice


Have you been wracking your brains trying to find the perfect Christmas gift for your Top or Dom(me) this year? Worry no further. Imagine as they run down stairs, their leather pajamas squeaking as they rummage under the tree to unwrap that gift and find that they have a bright shiny new submissive dolly to play with. They will get so exited that they might drop their flogger. There seems to be a good range to choose from.

Floggable Floella

Open Ophelia

Pilloried Polly

Bar Babe Betty

Cinder Spreader

St Andrew’s Cross Andrea

If your Top or Dom(me) has been very very very good this year perhaps they deserve a life sized submissive doll

Or are those last two just a way to sneak an extra guest into the house for Christmas Dinner?

Legal notice – Dolls are not guaranteed for candle or heat play, excessive impact play, tattooing, needle play, scat play (EWE!) or any activity exceeding their hard limits or safe words.

A Kinky Christmas Card



Sorry to all of you but I have been sorting some stuff out for a hospital visit next week and just ran out of time to put a post together tonight (Thursday the 26th). And anyway I was kind of proud of this post and as it went live not long after I returned to blogging it didn’t get many visitors then. So I don’t think that many people saw it at the time. I hope that you enjoy it

What inspired this post

Because of EVENTS SOME YEARS AGO I could not watch much television for quite some time. To fill the entertainment gap I listened to BBC RADIO 4 and a lot of Podcasts. Now that I can watch TV again, I find that I am not missing it and so did not bother getting reconnected to the normal TV supply network. Now I only have Netflix and am still listening to a lot of stuff. A podcast that I have only recently discovered is THE GUILTY FEMINIST, which I strongly recommend. One of the episodes FEATURED THE WAY THAT MANY WOMEN’S MAGAZINES ARE WRITTEN and that is well worth listening to. That inspired me to create the fictional magazine Kinkmopolitan and to write this post in the style of such publications as COSMOPOLITAN and VOGUE. As I am not a BDSMer and have never been in a 24/7 relationship, by the standards of these magazines I am well qualified to wax lyrical about the subject. In fact, because I know what BDSM means, without having to Google it, I am probably over qualified.

Kinkmopolitan’s top ten tips on how a male BDSM submissive can tell that his Domme loves him

Imagine the scene, you can tell that the sun is setting by the way that the shadow of the bars on the window are crawling up the cold stone wall. You flex your muscles to test the rope binding you as you lie on the hard floor of your cage. You can feel your pulse through your fresh welts and the taste of stiletto still lingers in your mouth. All of this should make a guy feel secure, as he drifts off to sleep but still there is that lingering thought in the back of your mind that asks “Does My Domme Really Love Me?”.

Here are Kinkmopolitan’s top ten things to look out for, that proves that a Domme still loves her sub and is not just making do until someone with a higher pain tolerance comes along.

You know that your Domme loves you when….


She does her best not to fart, when she is sitting on your face

Number 2

Your food bowl has ‘WHO’S A GOOD BOY’ written on it

Number 3

When she screams “VAGINA FACE!” at you and you know that it is an instruction and not her nick name for you

Number 4

She makes sure that you have a nice comfy pillow, in your cage, to rest your head on

Number 5

Only she gets to use you as a chair and not 3 or 4 of her friends, all at once

Number 6

She makes sure that you are well lubed up before inserting the giant butt plug

Number 7

She always keeps her promise to untie you in the morning

Number 8

She uses a special set of cloths pegs for your zipper and does not just use the ones from the washing line

Number 9

She never ties your wrists so tightly that your hands turn purple and you pass out

Number 10

She does not make you walk the dog in your Sissy Maid outfit

So now you know that your Domme still loves you and you can drift off to the land of nod, safe in the knowledge that tomorrow will be another wonderful day, filled with pain and humiliation. Good night Mr man slave.




I am a feminist but – I did not write this in a NON BINARY or GENDER NEUTRAL fashion because that would have been too much of a faf about


A spankee must always consider the comfort of their spanker. A spanker on an inadequate perch might lose focus on the job of making us spankees feel most uncomfortable, in the rear area 🙂 So here are a few suggestions on ensuring your spanker is not anguished whilst carrying out their duty.

A well upholstered arm chair is always a safe bet

If nothing else is available offer yourself as a convenient resting place

If your spanker wants to use a new piece of furniture or position, ask them to try it out before committing themselves to a possibly cramp inducing spanking

A bed is always a good, soft place to sit and if the spanker gets all tuckered out from spanking you, they can always just lie back and take a rest

And finally, if you are both in bed already, there is absolutely no reason why either of you should get cold tootsies

That concludes this short guide to providing your spanker with suitable seating



How To Practice Caning Before Doing It For Real

Being caned can be wonderful, when it is done properly. It can be dangerous when done badly. This is a very basic video but it is a good beginners guide to using a cane. With useful tips on developing accuracy before having a go with a real live submissive.



On Friday I Posted This Photograph

Because I thought it was funny to see what happened to a woman’s breasts during a naked skydive. That was naughty of me but the image turned out to be popular. Having taken the mickey out of the girls it only seemed right to find out what happened to a boy’s bits in the same situation and I found the following……

I’m sorry but I found these far too funny not to share

First, boy bits in free fall

And a girl’s other bits plummeting to earth

It is terrible of me but I found these so funny that I could not resist posting them, once I had stopped laughing. I think that next time that I get spanked, I will have to ask that the proceedings start with a proper punishment caning, for this terribly tasteless post that I have inflicted on you poor readers. Straight to bare, a ‘no warm up’ hard caning, with the largest and most painful cane available. Please leave your opinion in the comment box on how many strokes of the cane I should receive?

Yours, very apologetically



OK, this blog is in danger of becoming too serious, it is time to have a little fun. From the amount of spankees in the world it is obvious that the spankee gene is attached to the survivor gene. Spankees have survived everything from the ice age to world wars, so how can being a spankee help us survive a plane crash?

Number 1/ Please keep your seat belt fastened at all times

BDSM subs may have the jump on us on this one, enjoying bondage more but you would be hard pushed to find a spankee that does not go in for the odd tie down. So rather than being in too much of a hurry to unbuckle, the average spankee will be enjoying that constrained feeling and will keep their belt on for as long as necessary.

Number 2 Assume the (crash) position

with the average crashing jet liner going from about 300 kilometres per hour (200mph) to 0 in about four seconds, being in the right position on impact can mean the difference between life and death. Your vanilla passenger might find it difficult to stay in the right place whilst hurtling back to earth ,whereas your spankee is used to maintaining difficult positions in stressful situations.

Number 3/ Doing the bratty dodge

Most air crash victims survive the initial impact but become fatalities by not being able to get out of the plane fast enough or not getting far enough away from the plane after exiting it. Years of dodging grabbing tops, shooting through small gaps and generally finding that elusive exit route to a study door, will have equipped your natural brat with the skills to get out of and away from that burning plane with a good head start on all the poor vanilla passengers.

Number 4/ Save me and you can spank me

This one will probably work better for the female spankees than for male (damn! the girly subs grass is always greener) but it might be worth a try even for the boys. Shout this out while bobbing up and down in the water or trapped under a piece of wreckage.Even a vanilla rescuer might be swayed by the thought of having a pert bottom staring up at them from their lap, to give the spankee priority over other victims on the “who to rescue first” list.

Number 5/ Listen to the pre flight instructions OR ELSE!

Many air crash fatalities are caused by passengers not remembering the proper crash position, where the exits are or lots of other things that they are told in the pre flight instructions. So while all the vanilla passengers are picking their noses and worrying how their fold down tray works, during this little lecture, pretend you are in class, sit up straight, listen to every detail, assume that you are going to be asked very probing questions about what you are being told and that a stout caning is going to happen if you cannot answer these questions. That way you will be far better informed than the doomed vanilla, in the seat in front of you.

Personally, I wonder if there is any good survival advice for all the tops and dom(me)s out there?

Note About This Post

This post is actually an enhanced repost. I stumbled upon it whilst looking for something different. It comes from March the 10th 2010 and I cannot remember writing or posting it, so it seemed like something new to my eyes, that gave me a bit of a giggle. So I decided to repost the mainly written post of the me from ten years ago and add some images as the more photograph based blogger that I am now. So this post is the Frankenstein’s monster post that is either the best or the worst of the two me’s from ten years apart.

Enjoy your flight 🙂